Q&A with Katrin Schumann: Dedham mom takes a time-out

If one thing is certain, Dedham resident Katrin Schumann knows when and how to take a time-out.  This mother of three is an author, a ghostwriter, a teacher, a wife and more recently a guest on “Today.” With her last book, “Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too” published by McGraw-Hill in the stores, she has recently completed a novel “The House of a Thousand Eyes,” and started work on “Teens Need Time-Outs, Too.” But Schumann said she always tries to make time for herself.

Q: You worked with two other mothers, Susan Callahan and Anne Nolen, on “Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too,” but what brought you all together in the first place?

A: Susan, Anne and I were neighborhood friends when our children were very little. Over time, as our kids grew up, we would often meet up to talk about how exhausting motherhood was, and we began to question whether it really had to be so tough. We actually looked for a book written expressly for mothers that would shed some light on all the conflicts we were trying to reconcile, but we couldn’t find one. There were plenty of how-to parenting books, but nothing that was anecdotal, practical, and uplifting written specifically for MOTHERS. We started to do research, reading books, attending lectures and then setting up focus groups and talking to real moms all over the country … In the end, we talked with over 500 women, and combined what we learned from them with new research to produce “Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too.”

Q: The book says the mom battle is within, what does this mean?

A: Modern mothers have so many choices—and yet often feel more conflicted and confused than ever before…The battle inside us is brutal: On the one side, we struggle with our never-ending stream of negative self talk, our impossibly high standards, and the insecurity that makes us constantly compare ourselves to other mothers. On the other side, we’re desperate to feel a sense of purpose, to realize our own potential and to enjoy the day-to-day with greater confidence.

Q: What one tip would you give to the average mom?

A: Regularly put yourself on the top of your to-do list, instead of at the bottom. If you take care of yourself you can take better care of others.

Q: Can you explain your next book “Teens Need Time-Outs, Too”?

A: Susan Callahan and I are writing “Teens Need Time-Outs, Too: Giving Our ‘Tweens and Teens the Tools They Need To Thrive in the Brave New World.” It is a roadmap for parents embarking on the journey through adolescence with their children.

If there’s one single fear that stresses parents out more than any other, it’s how to prepare our kids for the reality of a world in which all the familiar rules are changing. “Teens Need Time-Outs, Too,” argues that in this new era, the parenting paradigm is shifting dramatically and we need to adapt, and fast… After extensive research, we’ve come to the conclusion that our children need to be given the gift of mental space in order to become themselves—and that by becoming themselves they’ll be able to tap into the innate strengths and passions that are the key to thriving in their adult lives.

Q: How has life changed for the modern teenager, in your opinion?

A: The first most obvious change is the increased level of scheduled activities that modern teens engage in (sports, music, tutoring, camp etc). The second biggest change is how much technology is impacting the development of their communication skills. Today, many kids have lost the freedom to dawdle, be bored, develop their imaginations, learn to fail and to persevere, keep themselves entertained and manage their own time and money. Often, they are so busy they don’t even recognize their real passions, and where their strengths and weaknesses lie. We argue that parents have been underestimating the immense benefit that children derive from a slower and more individualized schedule.

In addition, parents struggle with understanding how our children communicate with one another. Mothers and fathers worry that Facebook, texting and cell phones have taken them out of the equation. Yet, as parents, we have an opportunity—and a responsibility—to help our ’tweens and teens learn to engage with elders, understand the nuances of human interaction, and know when to push back and when to acquiesce. These are vital skills they will need once they enter the work world.

Q: You recently appeared on “Today,” how was the experience of being on TV and in front of a national audience?

A: I wasn’t sure what to expect, and was infinitely relieved that I found it exciting rather than terrifying. Over the years, Susan and I have done dozens of presentations and interviews on the topic of time-outs for moms, so we’ve had practice talking about these themes. We feel passionate about our message and that makes spreading the word really energizing. But sitting in Rockefeller Plaza opposite Natalie Morales with the cameras rolling and the bright lights on was something altogether different. The producers and behind-the-scenes people were pros at making us feel at ease. The way the set is designed, I was able to ignore the cameras and focus on Natalie, and it was quite easy to see her as “just another” mom, genuinely interested in what we had to say.