My daughter Alison turns 13 today so, of course, today is all about her. But if I may make it about me for just a moment - today I become the mother of a teenager!
So while I’m making one of her favorite meals - spaghetti and meatballs - and preparing to have her four grandparents for dinner tonight, I’ll think about everything that she has taught me over the past 13 years. And as we head into her teenage years, I will anticipate all that I’ll continue to learn from her, especially about communicating.
Here are some of the lessons I’m expecting to learn from my teen, along with how they may translate to business.
Set clear expectations
Alison is most comfortable when she knows what to expect. She likes to know what’s coming next in her day, in her week. If I leave the house, she wants to know when I’m coming back. So I’ve learned to be very clear about where I’ll be, if and how she can reach me and what the Plan B is.
As she heads into her teenage years, she is learning that this goes both ways. When she leaves the house, I expect very clear information about her destination, accessibility and time of return.
Your business audiences will respond well to this type of clarity as well. Let them know what they can expect when they work with you, the best times and ways to reach you and your backup plans for the unexpected. It’s also wise to let them know what you need and expect from them to make the relationship as productive and profitable as possible.
Be engaged
As my daughters have gotten busier, our time together has been reduced. Gone are the long afternoons pushing their swings at the park while they chattered away or whiling away the day at a children’s museum or outdoor fair.
So I’ve found it critical to catch those snippets of time during the day when I can look them in the eye, hear about their day and just enjoy them. I hate the term "quality time" because every moment of time can be quality if I just stop and savor it.
In business, people will feel it if you are hurried, distracted or uninterested. And since people will always remember how you made them feel - and will do business with those who make them feel good - it pays to slow down and be engaged.
Show respect
I’ve heard all of the cliches about how young people have no respect for authority, for other people or for the planet. My experience has been the complete opposite both with my daughters and with their friends. I love hearing their take on politics - vote for Scott Brown because we like Ayla, for instance - their compassion for the Haitian people and commitment to help them, their choice to eat a vegetarian diet so animals don’t get hurt and their admiration for their teachers, coaches, aunts and uncles.
Alison and her peers may not have the experience or perspective of the adults in their lives, but I have gained such respect for their thoughts and opinions.
It’s always dangerous to stereotype an entire group of people or, in business, an entire industry or company. Save judgment and show respect in all communications and you’ll enjoy many pleasant surprises.
Show empathy
Of course, I remember being 13 and, of course, you couldn’t pay me enough to go back there.
So when my daughters get hurt, angry or stressed about something that I know will pass and not scar them for life, I know enough to know that at the moment, it’s all that matters.
So I can be sensitive and supportive without ever minimizing their feelings. And even if I bear the brunt of their hormonal teen frustration - the outburst, eye roll, silent treatment - I can take one for the team once in a while.
You may have employees, bosses or clients who have a "teen moment" where something seemingly small triggers a dramatic reaction. The key to success in these situations is to remember that you may not know all that is going on and that you can’t truly walk in their shoes. So before you succumb to a knee-jerk reaction, take a breath. And maybe take one for the team.
Trust
Alison and her sister have been told that until they give us a reason not to trust them, their dad and I will trust them implicitly. We’ll be as vigilant as we can about their safety in public and in cyberspace, in school and on teams, and then we’ll have to let go. Just a little.
This is their time to test the waters, try new things and make mistakes, and our job is to trust ourselves and the job we’ve done so far, trust them to make good choices, and be there when they don’t.
If you are in business long enough, you will get burned by somebody. But if you can maintain a general trust in the goodness of human nature, you’ll be able to move forward with confidence. There will always be competitors who try to steal business from you, employees who try to steal money from you and co-workers who try to steal your ideas. So you protect yourself as best you can and then trust others to do the right thing. You let go. Just a little.
Since I’m so fortunate to have this platform on this particular day, I’ll say a huge, heartfelt happy birthday to my number one girl, Alison Kathleen. Thank you for all you teach me every day.
Maureen O’Grady Condon, a Framingham resident, is principal of Precision Marketing Group, an outsourced marketing department for B2B organizations. Contact her at Maureen@precisionmarketinggroup.com.
